Weeding the Closet - Bagging up the "Fat Clothes"

Weeding the Closet - Bagging up the "Fat Clothes"

Actually, I was bagging up clothes in two categories. Some clothes were removed because they are way too big on me. Some were favorites - Disney tees, etc. - but they swim, so into the bag they go. The other category of clothes to remove is sleeveless and short-sleeved tops. Unfortunately, a combination of rapid weight loss AND minimal arm muscles means the upper half of my arms are really unattractive. I'm hoping that either 1) excess skin disappears over time (does that even happen?) and/or 2) I'll be motivated to use those weights sitting on my bedroom dresser to get my upper arms in shape. But in the meantime, they are not fit for public viewing, sadly.

The bag is huge and the question is then begged - what to do with all the clothes? There's the "throw them out and never go back" philosophy which is admirable. Then there's the "hedge your bets and store them somewhere" cowardly custard approach. I confess I'm keeping them. I like the clothes, and the pile represents a significant amount of money. Do I ever want to wear them again? NO I DO NOT! I plan to stay the size I'm at for the rest of my life, and never need to open that bag. But, I still can't get rid of them.

Part of it is that though I think I'm pretty good at losing weight - the excitement of the scale going down, the satisfaction of reaching a goal - I know that maintenance is a lot less exciting. And I'm not convinced that underlying food issues have gone away. I still like to eat, eat things that aren't particularly healthy (pizza, marshmallows, margaritas, rich Thai food, etc.), and don't do very well when feeling deprived.

I know the tools to maintain - logging, exercise, mindful eating, daily or frequent weighing, a mindset that considers healthy food and healthy portions to be good for my body. And also not considering certain food completely off limits. But old habits die hard. I'm not making excuses or trying to pave the way for gaining weight. I really really really do not want to gain weight back and will try my hardest to keep that from happening. I'm counting on never needing to open that bag again. But it's still going to be somewhere out in the dusty garage, probably providing mice and black widow spiders a place to nest. Off limits, but still not gone forever. Right or wrong, that's what I'm doing for now. Maybe someday I'll donate them, but not quite yet...

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You're a Different Person

"You're a Different Person"

At the weigh-in on Monday, as I was passing a fellow cohort member, she said, "You're a different person than the one who started in this program!" I thought it was an interesting, and somewhat surprising, comment. Although the person making it is probably not at her goal weight, I believe she has probably lost more weight than I have on the program. So I'm wondering, does she feel like a different person than the one who started in January?

Maybe she does. I definitely don't feel "like a different person." I recognize I might look significantly different (inevitable after losing almost 60 pounds), but I'm still me, flaws and all.

I actually would have expected that comment from someone who was NOT on a weight loss journey herself. In our culture we do judge people on their weight, and being "weightist" seems to still be an allowable way to discriminate against people and treat them like second class citizens. Losing - and also gaining - weight doesn't change who you are, and shouldn't (ideally) change how people perceive you and interact with you.

I'm 100% sure she meant it as a compliment, and I (after a brief hesitation) took it as one, and said something like oh we're all different than we were in January, but I meant in the outward sense only. I know the stereotype exists that people who are heavy somehow have character flaws - gluttony, laziness, sloth, lack of self- discipline - and so are seen as internally flawed based on their outward appearance. But I know I'm no better or worse than I was in January, just lighter.

The world may treat me like a different person, because I look different, but it would be nice if we could see through the outside and relate to people on the basis of other more important factors. But I know that's somewhat unrealistic. (Although it is the basis for the start of the movie Beauty and the Beast, where the beast judges the enchantress by her external appearance and pays dearly for his lack of judgment!)

I am happy to have compliments on my weight loss success and healthier appearance, but at the same time, I can't help wish that we lived in a world where people were judged and valued for who they are, not what they look like...

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Maintenance and Motivation to Weight Loss

Maintenance and Motivation

Despite challenges this summer - vacations, barbecues, weddings, and more - I am holding more or less steady (never gaining) at about 57 pounds lost. Since the goal stated at the top of my blog was to lose 30 (or 40, or even 50) pounds - and I would have been happy with 30! - this is a resounding success. Now I just need to keep it up. I'm a size 8 (started at 18) and this seems like a good place to stay. Maintenance isn't as sexy as losing. I love seeing the scale go down. So a different mindset is needed to get the same thrill from seeing the scale hold steady. But there are so many good reasons to maintain and stay motivated to keep the scale from going back up.

Regarding motivation, if someone asked at the start of the Optifast program about why I wanted to lose weight, I would have said my motivation was 75% health, 25% appearance. I'm going to be 64 on Sep. 1st, and yesterday celebrated my 35th wedding anniversary. I'm not out there on the dating scene or looking to wear bikinis. My husband seriously doesn't seem to notice whether I'm big or little. So my main motivation was improved health, as indicated by BMI, cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. And all those indicators have been good.

But there's another aspect I hadn't considered, related to health but more tangible than test numbers, and that is comfort. It makes my life much easier and more pleasant to be down over 50 pounds. Here are some examples:

• For our anniversary yesterday we went kayaking in Napa. It was easy going down the river, but then we had to turn around and paddle against the current to get back. It was hard and my arms are killing me today, but wow, if that kayak had been 50 pounds heavier it would have been even harder. So I was grateful that I only had to paddle my 140 pound self up the river, not my 197 pound self!
• I love taking my grandkids to Disneyland but last year thought I might have to quit, as it was getting too hard physically. I was too tired to keep up. It wasn't fun anymore. Now this year when I went in May it was completely different in terms of energy and endurance. Bring it on, Mickey!
• We go to Family Camp for a week every year. This year was especially hot (in the hundreds) and our cabin was up a hill. If I had been climbing that hill in that heat carrying 50 more pounds it would have been so miserable I don't think I would have lasted a day. I was so grateful to be facing that heat (and that climb!) without the extra weight.

These are just a few of the ways that this weight loss has improved my life. I am daily grateful for ALL the positive aspects of this weight loss journey!

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